By BRAD BOURNIVAL
Getting around this Christmas season can be taxing enough. Throw in being a Browns fan and the month of December can be downright maddening.
Too many times fights break out because some pea-brained fan is rooting for some pointless reason at something that just happened â€” or in the Brownsâ€™ case â€” didnâ€™t happen in the game.
With that in mind, here are five commandments to live by in order to keep that mind of yours happy and healthy, and that face in one piece:
Commandment V: Thou shall not cheer 2-yard gains:
If your team gains 2 yards on three consecutive plays, it usually means itâ€™s fourth-and-4 and Paul Zastudil is back in punt formation.
Too many times, fans jump out of their skin when Josh Cribbs snags a handoff on an end around. While it might look like a big gain, 40 of those yards the Kent State alumni amassed went horizontally. Just 2 went forward.
Commandment IV: Thou shall not worship false idols:
Brady Quinn isnâ€™t the second coming. Derek Anderson was never the first.
Without gameplans that work, even Joe Montana can look like Joe Schmoe.
Since the team came back in 1999, Tim Couch, Ty Detmer, Doug Pederson, Spergon Wynn, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, Luke McCown, Trent Dilfer, Charlie Frye, Anderson, Quinn and Ken Dorsey have started for the Browns at quarterback.
The fact signal callers go down faster than dominoes here can be attributed to lack of imagination and poor planning.
Commandment III: Thou shall not woof:
Just because the cameras are on you, doesnâ€™t mean you should bark.
The last time those woofs had wallop, Hanford Dixon and Frank Minnifield â€” the originators of the bark â€” roamed the Browns secondary in the mid 1980s.
Being 4-8 does not give you the gift of growl.
Commandment II: Thou shall become realistic:
When youâ€™ve made the playoffs once since 1999, you arenâ€™t going to the Super Bowl every year.
For that matter, remember your team hasnâ€™t made it to a championship game since the NFL changed the name of the final contest.
Stop thinking you are Super Bowl bound in August and just hope for 8-8.
If you begin the season thinking the team wonâ€™t be spectacular, wins truly do carry a special meaning.
Commandment I: Thou shall realize there are teams among you worthy of praise:
The Cavaliers are 15-3 right now and yet newspapers run one, maybe two stories a day on the wine and gold.
Why in the world anyone at this point wants to read upwards of 20 stories a week on the Browns is anyoneâ€™s guess.
The ones that dribble the orange thing are much better than the drivel coming out of the brown and orange. And this just in, the Cavs win and expect to.
Bournival may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 330-721-4045.