December 21, 2014

Medina
Cloudy
33°F
 

A look at what the great silver bowling ball may hold for 2009

By JOHN GLADDEN | Staff Columnist

Not that we’re in a hurry to push the year 2008 out the door or anything, but it’s time once
again to look into the columnist’s crystal ball to predict what’s in store for the New Year. OK, so the crystal ball is actually an old bowling ball with a coat of silver paint, but the rate of accuracy is pretty much the same.

In 2009:

At long last, Medina County will tap into the technology of the ’90s and start building its fiber-optic network.

Medina General Hospital will not build its new emergency room because hospital board members have not had enough time to look over the plans.

Jim Roberts will run for mayor of Medina.

Jack Schira will run for something. Anything.

A baseball field, picnic tables and port-a-potties will be installed at the Medina County Technology Park, just to make it useful.

Cleveland television stations will report the sighting of polar bear tracks in Sharon Township.

Official Buzzard Spotter Bob Hinkle will be the first to spot a buzzard on Buzzard Day.

Due to budget considerations, the traffic lights in Brunswick will eliminate the yellow lights in traffic signals to save electricity.

Someone will say to me: “Where can I get a copy of that book of yours … ‘How to Raise an Elephant’ … or something?”

There will be a bitterly cold week this winter and someone will say, “See! I told you global warming is bunk!”

There will be an unseasonably warm week this winter and someone will say, “See! I told you global warming is for real!”

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will leave office “to spend more time with his family.”

I will not be able to spell his name without looking it up.

Something weird will happen. And it will happen in Lafayette Township.

Let’s really go out on a limb and say Bill Clinton will do something totally embarrassing to the Obama administration. It’s just a wild guess.

Even in the lagging economy, Medina County will suffer no net loss of strip malls.

At least three new groups with the acronyms “WHEEE, “BOGO” and “NOSE” will form to promote business growth and regionalism in Northeast Ohio.

Former U.S. Rep. John Kasich will announce he’s running for Ohio governor.

Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland will announce he’s almost ready to present his ideas on public education funding reform.

We can all celebrate knowing there’s only another year and a half to go on the Interstate 71 reconstruction project in Medina County.

Someone will say the economic news cannot get any worse. Then it will.

Harness racing at the Medina County Fair will not be the same without Norm Krueger’s smile.

The Browns will score an offensive touchdown … in training camp. Fans will predict the team will make the playoffs.

More people will plant vegetable gardens.

Everyone will get a government bailout, except for the newspaper industry.

George Bush will retire to Texas and, ahem, write a book.

Dick Cheney will be greeted as a liberator … when he returns to the boardroom of Halliburton.

Construction will begin on a new parking deck in downtown Medina. It will not be named after Medina County Commissioner Pat Geissman.

I will be tired of hearing Cleveland Indians radio announcer Tom Hamilton screaming into the microphone approximately two games into baseball season.

Airlines will begin charging passengers by the pound.

Brad and Angelina will have five more babies.

There will be 25 new books published on Abraham Lincoln.

More Americans will be able to name the Obama family’s dog than will be able to name a member of the president’s cabinet.

On New Year’s Day, millions of children will bury a few strands of sauerkraut in their mashed potatoes and choke them down so they can have dessert.

I will hit a combination of seven baseballs, flying disks and assorted plastic toys with the lawn mower this summer while I am cutting the grass.

So, what do you see in your silver bowling ball for the coming year? Send me your predictions for 2009 by e-mail or voicemail, and maybe they’ll appear in next week’s column.

Happy New Year!

A collection of Gladden’s columns, “How to Elevate a Cow,” is available in stores and at www.medina-gazette.com. Gladden may be contacted at gladden@ohio.net or 330-721-4052.